Face-Saving Recovery Game

Chateau Heartiste

A good test of your game is how well you handle your image when you’re thrown a curve ball by an impish cosmic overseer.

Reader dirkdiggly relays an excellent demonstration of face-saving recovery game.

O/t but amusing all the same: had a great reframe/lemonade from lemons experience at the library today.

Cutie in a glass windowed study room catches my eye as I walk past. I smirk big at her, only to walk right into a concrete pillar (slowly, but it hurt nonetheless). Reeling from sudden shame and pain on display, I pulled a fist dramatically down from the sky with a mouthed “yusssss” and then made the “call me?” gesture. She laughed hard, recovered, and…blew me a kiss!

Charlie Chaplin silent movie game?

What do women love?

Well, a lot of things, but they really swoon for

a. unpredictable men,

b. playful men, and

c. men with masterful state…

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A Test Of Your Game: A Condom Conundrum

Chateau Heartiste

Anonymous found himself in what the walking dead would consider an awkward situation, but one which he sees an opportunity to leverage into love.

Need game advice. Buying condoms. Cashier is very cute hard 8. Buying only condoms because I have a sex life and do, in fact, need them. But could always use more plates. I’m 40; she’s 26.

What is my funny opener to the sales clerk ringing up my condoms?

Store is nearly empty. Would be easy to chat her up. Ask her to come help me try them out? Just say “come get coffee with me on your break”? Also I live 3 minutes from here. She’d get the benefit of three orgasms if she’s lucky enough to come with me to my pad.

While not a scenario most men would encounter frequently, and deciding not worth analyzing for its seduction potential, it is amusing and…

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Field Test: The MAXIMUM ALPHA MALE MODE Walk

Chateau Heartiste

Remember the CH post about walking like an alpha male? For shits and remotely activated tingles, I decided to try out the MAXIMUM ALPHA MALE MODE walking style in a beautiful baby zoo near you.

I walked about town like a guy who absorbed a piece of gorilla DNA in a telepod, similar to Jeff Goldblum’s unfortunate mix-n-match in The Fly. I strutted and swaggered. Not quite as comically as this buffoon:

…but getting close.

Result: After an hour or so performing the “here are my steely balls, ladies, feast your eyes” gait, I can conclusively say that a lot… no, a WHOLE LOT… of women tossed me lascivious stares. Not “what is this weird guy doing?” looks; real hardcore “i want… i need… to get to know this man” stares.

Ok, there were a couple of “who’s the weirdo?” looks, but most were definitely in the “checking him…

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The Incidental Squirt

Chateau Heartiste

Thumping, throbbing, pulsing… a sinuous dolphinoid stroke through crisscrossing waves of briny, grinding flesh, arrive at destination: a ramshackle tropic-themed auxiliary bar. I wave, regally, in the vicinity of the bartendress, to order a stiff one. To my left, propped lordotically on a stool, a slim blonde in slimmer dress squeezes a lime wedge into her love potion. She thinks (incorrectly) a stray sour squirt hit me; I feign injury.

Blondie: “Oh, I’m sorry about that!”

Left hand up to left eye, I execute a grimace with great gusto. “Aagh! My eye! It burns.”

She gawks for a beat, I spread two fingers slowly apart, revealing the abstractly-afflicted eye, peering at her with my miraculously and expediently cured vision through the finger gap, smiling with same orb a reprieve from a personal injury lawsuit. I leave the scene, pressed in equal measure by physiological necessity and the advantages of calculated…

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Beach Game

Chateau Heartiste

Readers will sometimes email me with pickup stories or game tips that are too good not to have a wider audience. Since the summer is upon us, this email I received from a reader who overheard a pickup attempt describes a great example of beach game. When you read this, imagine yourself doing the same thing successfully. That should fire your engines.

I love your blog, long time lurker, first time poster blah blah, etc. You know the drill. I’m really writing because I’ve got a fun anecdote for you.

At the beach this weekend my boyfriend and I witnessed some awesome game on another girl sunbathing nearby. Since I’m female, I have no use for it other than amusement value, but I thought you might enjoy it.

The girl was laying down reading a shitty chick-lit book, and this guy with a camera, evidently an amateur photographer, came up…

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How To Walk Like An Alpha Male

Chateau Heartiste

♂😎SCIENCE😎♂ swoons for Game once again, or rather, for the biomechanical truths explored here at the Chateau. Via reader RedEleven, a slew of studies examining the role of biological sex differences in gaits and other physical motions (there is such a thing as throwing like a girl).

There’s a lab in Canada that does motion capture studies of people and has collected data and produced animations that show distinct differences in the male and female gait.

This interactive flash applet lets you adjust the masculinity-femininity of a wireframe animation.

http://www.biomotionlab.ca/Demos/BMLwalker.html

This WebGL version allows you to rotate the wireframe and toggle between dot mode and skeleton mode:

http://www.biomotionlab.ca/Demos/webgl_walker/webgl_walker.php

And here’s an excerpt from one of the studies they published:

“A framework is outlined that can be employed to obtain gender and other characteristics of the agent from human motion patterns and subsequently use this information to synthesize motion with particular…

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A Proper Introduction

Chateau Heartiste

A reader whose handle I forgot asks,

I thought you might have a post about this or would have some good suggestions: you know when you’re in a big group of new people and they have a “introduce yourself” for everyone–and to say “one thing that is interesting about you”. What’s some good ideas that are appropriate but somewhat interesting for the ladies in the group? Something serious, something funny, joking etc

Your question appears to imply a formal setting, like a work retreat or a school function or an AA meeting. Am I right? Because if it’s a casual venue, like a bar, where one girl, the social butterfly, is rushing around trying to get everyone to meet each other, then the range of your workable responses would be much wider.

If it’s a casual context, may the charismatic jerkboy force be with you:

“My name is Santa Claus…

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