A Test Of Your Game Update: T-Ball Pickup

Chateau Heartiste

In yesterday’s “A Test of Your Game” post, many commenters offered suggestions to the reader who asked how to open a girl in a coffee shop who had already expressed her interest with lingering glances and thrust butt in his pointed vicinity.

My favorite and personal go-to is, “Take a picture, it’ll last longer”, spoken with humorous intent. Commenter Claude Martel had a similar opener, “You know… it’s rude to stare.” Commenter Ludwig’s suggestion was also good (but you’d better be able to handle the heat you’re gonna get): Next time just draw a big cock n’ balls on the sumi ink station. (Claude adds: If you made a production of it, and really sold it, chin scratching, slow and deliberate strokes, I bet she’d laugh her ass off.)

These are clever and marginally jerkboy-ish openers that work well on pretty girls used to hearing the same old from…

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A Test Of Your Game: Coffee Shop Close

Chateau Heartiste

A reader needs game advice, stat. Time is of the essence, so think hard and think fast, like you would have to do if you were in the reader’s shoes right now.

At the coffee shop there’s a cute girl in line waiting for her drink.  She’s wearing daisy dukes with red tights underneath; she has a yoga mat and a big black purse that would comfortably fit a bowling ball.  Her back is turned but we’re standing close; she does two very subtle periphery glances – a short one and a longer one lasting about 5 seconds – I am unapologetically checking her out and she knows it.  If there was any doubt, she sets her bag down on the floor in front of the bar and bends over in front of me.  Then she sits down just to the left of the bar with her back still turned…

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Gay Men Have Game

Chateau Heartiste

Alpha males and gay men have a lot in common. They know how to playfully jive with women. This is why there are so many fag hags in the cities. It’s not the shopping or in-depth color wheel knowledge that chicks love about gay men; it’s the teasing they get from them that they sorely miss from the straight men they date.

If you listen to a conversation between some gay guys and their chick friends, you’ll notice that the gays almost never answer a girl’s questions or discussion tangents logically. They will nearly always take the path of evasion, obfuscation, wit, teasing, cocky misdirection or backhanded compliments (aka negs). For example (drawn from real life):

GIRL: Is it a long walk from the train to the club?

GAY FRIEND: Don’t worry, shorty, your six inch marry me heels won’t break.


GIRL: Why are we eating there? I heard…

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Bright Red BPD Flag

Chateau Heartiste

If, near the end of a mutually rewarding date, the girl lasciviously invites you back to her place, but once there, despite your best efforts and tightest takeaway game, steadfastly refuses to bang and taunts you with the prospect of night-long cuddling, you have a control freak with Golden Gash issues. Leave immediately, and wish her well during her stay at the spinster-in-training school for the reformed slut.

Insurmountable last minute resistance is unforgivable when the girl has made the blatant overture for a nightcap and opens her own place to you. This is nothing less than a bitch power play. The only way to beat a crazy, cock-creviced chick playing this game is to deny your participation. The last thing you want is to be that beta guy stuck in a situation where hours are spent fruitlessly begging for pussy table scraps like some street cur. If it’s heading…

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Your Place Or Hers?

Chateau Heartiste

I’ve read all the pickup theories concerning this burning question. On paper, each side makes reasonable arguments. One that sticks out is the claim that women feel more comfy in their own places, and their comfort will translate into easier sex.

Theories abound, but my experience has already given me the answer to the question ‘my place or hers?’. It’s an If THEN ELSE *beep boop* computation.

1. If your place is much farther away than her place, go to hers. Favorable logistics wins every time. Too much delay getting her from the date venue to a bedroom means more time for her tingle anticipation to dissipate.

2. If the above condition is not met, by default take her to your place. As a percentage of total number of venue-to-home bounces, you will close the deal more often at your place than at hers. This is what I’ve found to…

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Excerpt from the Book of Alpha

Chateau Heartiste

Every text or email or recordable instance of conversation you have with a girl must follow this simple rule:

If it were given a public airing, let’s say on a blog or a sports stadium jumbotron, you should feel comfortable with what you have written for the world to see.  You should not feel an urge to wince, because it will be clear to everyone reading it how alpha you are.  If the thought of someone other than you and your girl reading your permanently archived romantic exchanges makes you cringe with embarrassment, then you are doing something wrong that will eventually lead to your girl dumping you.

An example of texting* from a place of beta-tude:

YOU: Good morning, lovechop! 🙂 I had a gr8 time w u last nite!
HER: Me too.  Can’t wait to see you again.
YOU: U free this thurs? Miss u. Muaah muuah!

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Pictogram Text Game, Trending

Chateau Heartiste

When words fail you (or you’re too indifferent to the outcome to bother formulating a sentence fragment), you can’t go wrong with pictogram (aka emoji) game. A reader sent along screenshots of his pictogram game.

Her contribution: Eighty words, four smilies.

His contribution: “Good.” “Ok.” A funny fat birthday cat.

That, my friends, is what it looks like when a woman is chasing an alpha male’s approval. I suspect that birthday cat will get a lot of CH readers laid in the cumming months.

As the pictogram sender above noted, the girl tried to pull a “take-away” on him at the end, but it’s obvious her threat was empty. When a girl is really through with you, she stops talking. When a girl is still into you, she pretends to be through with you in twenty words or more.

PS Some readers have complained about what they perceive is an…

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